HUMILIATION

 
Carly's Story:

I had no idea where this would go, but we hadn't tried it so I suggested it.

Dirty talk.

It arose from scenes of fear. But I realized that it turned me on.

I love it when he talks dirty to me. I need it.

In public he can tie me, whip me and subject me to any variety of tortures. But in private nothing sends me into subspace like humiliation. How can a woman who's only been with two men in her entire life believe to the core of her being that she is a whore?

In a way I regret bringing it up. Now that I have admitted that I like it, I can't retract my admission. He knows it arouses me. The forces are too powerful. When he calls me a cum slut and tells me I'll fuck anyone he tells me to, he can sense the tension in my body, he can feel the wetness ooze from my sex and hear the change in my breathing. I can't go back. I can't be a good girl anymore.

I love being called a whore. I've had so many fantasies about older men. I even fantasized about them in high school. When I was 15 when I would fantasize about a neighbor fucking me. I would masturbate from the pure thought of it. I remember going into my Mom's friend's bathroom and making myself cum. I did it many times. It was my way of dealing with frustration.

I had been brought up that sex was bad, so given the opportunity for sex with a boy I denied the urge and held back. So I hid, fantasized and got myself off. I would fantasize about 40 year old guys. I never did anything physically but I fantasized about everything.

Further back, as a little girl I remember running into my bedroom with my girlfriend as we proceeded to experiment with each other. I was 6. It was a girl girl thing. We were intrigued by our sexuality. I forget her name, and don't know where she is, but she gave me the first sexual experience of my life . My mother caught us in the closet and I was so humiliated. So my first sexual experience was humiliation. Does that have a bearing on my current sexuality? I have no idea - go ask a shrink. But I'll tell you this - its virtually the only childhood experience I can remember.